I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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