SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
