I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
