I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
