I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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