in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize