fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
