the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
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