I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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