Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
