What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
