The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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