I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
