Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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