im six kinds of drunk right now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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