His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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