$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
