Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
