I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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