Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
