i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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