You just made me feel so damn special
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
