Please, let me fuck your mom
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
