Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
