I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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