the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
