On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
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