so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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