Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
