it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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