Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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