god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
