I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
