hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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