I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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