i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
third nipple confirmed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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