Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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