he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
