Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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