I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
