he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Randomize
