Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
