I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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