Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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