I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
