Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
