I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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