you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
