I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
