dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
