is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
