Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
