I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
