FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
