I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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