Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
