I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
