If that was your dad, he is hot
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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