she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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