I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
