I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
