OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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