you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
