i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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