This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
