I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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