I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My life is pants optional.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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