I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my phone needs a breathalizer
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
