I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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