a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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