watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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