I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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