my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
