The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
