If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
