no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
