I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
